"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matters
compared to what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

To Whom It May Concern:

Dear woman at the park,

Please don't give me the "sympathy" smile when you see my children. My children are not defective, they are just different. You don't need to feel sorry for them or for me. Sometimes a little wave or a friendly, "your kids sure are cute" would really be nice.



Dear waiter,

Yes, these children are all mine and no, I won't tell you which ones are my "real" ones. I don't think I have any imaginary children since the last time I checked.

Please refrain from asking me in front of them why their "own" parents didn't want them. I would be happy to talk to you about adoption and thrilled to answer your questions, but please remember that my children do have ears and they have hearts that can break, just like yours.


Dear Doctor,

Please don't be offended when my daughter doesn't make eye contact with you or smile at your attempts to engage her. Don't make quick judgements like, "she seems very distant." Everyone has a story and the beginning of my daughter's story was pretty difficult, so she isn't very trusting and open, especially of people wearing stethoscopes.



Greetings mom at the grocery store,

I don't really know if my kids are going to be cognitively normal. Since your kid is licking the lid of the bleach, maybe you can't predict your kid's future either. My kids may not all be rocket scientists (well, except for maybe little Catherine, she may take over the earth), but I am sure they will be kind, loving and grow up to help others.




Hiya kids at the playground,

I know some of my kids look a little unusual. Please don't whisper about them and point and laugh. Just come on over and ask them to play in the sand and get to know them. You might make a new friend.



Hi stranger on the street,

Thanks so much for telling me how beautiful all my children are and treating them just like everyone else. You made us have a great day!

Sincerely,

Me

36 comments:

  1. Your children ARE all beautiful! :-)

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  2. Catherine...Your children ARE beautiful!! I love reading your blog because seeing your children makes my heart smile. You are all so blessed to have each other!

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  3. They are all beautiful and all yours!

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  4. absolutely LOVE it Catherine!! They ALL are beautiful!

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  5. I just love reading your blog. It always makes me smile. Are you far from Alpharetta? My daughter is going to be there visiting her cousins, and she's hoping to run into you and your beautiful children.:) Maybe it will be a small world and she'll get her wish. We've been following your blog since before you brought your littlest two home, and are so amazed at how they've blossomed.

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  6. We are very close to Alpharetta! Send me an e-mail and maybe we can get together!

    zoo35511@bellsouth.net

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  7. Dear Catherine,
    Your very real children are absolutely beautiful! I hope and believe that every time your family leaves the house you are opening hearts and minds. If even one person learns to look at a person with a disability in the eyes and see the soul within then you have done us all a huge service. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing them (and you!) with us.

    P.S. I think that you should print out those notes you wrote above and share them with the appropriate people at the appropriate times. Some folks do need more direct instruction...

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  8. AMEN! I'm sure glad you're back to blogging!

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  9. Your kids are ALL so cute (and I am not just saying that!), and I can easily see that they are ALL very smart too! :)

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  10. I love your kids! They crack me up and I can see what AWESOME personalities each of them have. I love Francesca's pig tails and little Catherine is too cute with her fierce pose. Anastasia and Isabella are so grown up and caring. Of course Victoria with her growing smile is always a bright spot. Although we don't see him much Elliot is fun too! :) Thanks for sharing your family we love them all!

    Angela

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  11. Very well written. Thanks for sharing. I totally understand!

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  12. The first pick is THE cutest ever. Francesca in pigtails - so stinking cute!

    Ok onto stupid people - a friend told me a mother came up to her and actually told her they were leaving the people because her toddler was missing part of her arm - really at least she has a heart and character grrr

    Hugs

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  13. Great post! I have felt and said similar things! :)

    HOW do you find time to blog so regularly?! I hardly have the energy to fall into bed! I haven't been to your blog in awhile and I realized how much I miss our e-mails! :)

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  14. They ARE adorable! You're a lucky lady to be their mom.

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  15. They are adorable and beautiful and all very REAL and YOURS!
    Love the kid licking the bleach comment. :)

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  16. If I ever ran into your gang at the grocery store I would absolutely embarrass myself with my gushing! Don't people know you're famous and they should be asking for your autographs instead of being mean?! Your kids are wonderful and amazing, and I am happy to know you even if only through the great wide Internet :)

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  17. The "real" kids thing stuck home. I just say "Oh I didn't notice that anyone here is PLASTIC". GRRRR!!!!! Your kids are beautiful! Unfortunately most people who consider themselves "normal congnitively" are rude and stupid. They don't have the common sense or common decency that God gave a goose either!

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  18. Catherine, if there is a get-together in Alpharetta, please please let me know as I am only 20 minutes from there. I will tell you in advance that my daughter(11) and I probably will stare..but in awe of how adorable your kids are. When we check your blog everyday, she makes me scroll down through all the pics first just so we can ooooo and aaaaa over the unbelievable cuteness that we see. You and your kids...young, tweenish, and teen...are our heroes! :)

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  19. oh friend... wish i was around to LOVE on your family some :) you know Charlotte, Jason and I would!

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  20. Love the matching dresses, cherish reading your blog and agree with your advice. Keep up the great mommying!

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  21. oK I've written and deleted 3 comments so far because they all make me sound like a psycho.

    But the long and short of it is, i think you and your kids are magnificent! And what a treat it would be to bump in to you and get to play,or talk or anything.

    And if i stared it would be at their incredible beauty!
    And just the wonder and miracle that they are where they are right now in spite of their beginnings.

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  22. Hi Catherine

    all your kids are beautiful...really beautiful.

    re cognitively normal, THEY may well be but from some the comments you have been getting it appears that you have a lack of cognitively normal waiters and mums in supermarkets up your way.



    XXX

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  23. Your children are amazing, they are unique, and beautiful (except for your son...would not want to offend with the beauty comment, he is handsome)
    God does not make mistakes and he is the creator of all. Wouldnt it be wonderful if we could somehow teach all the other people in the world what acceptance and love is? I think people really forget that just because someone may look a little different then they do does NOT mean they are not beautiful. How boring a rainbow would be if it were only one color! How boring the world would be if we all looked/talked/acted the same. They are all blessings, every single one!

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  24. Love this...all of it....but especially the part about Catherine! LOL!

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  25. Oh my! They are real all right! And so very beautiful! I wish I could bump into you and love on them all. I have always believed that the most important thing I could teach my kids was acceptance of the differences in others, on the inside and the outside. It's a shame that too many parents care only that their kids are college graduates or how much money they make, but don't care about their hearts. I think a truly successful adult is one with a heart. One who sees the differences in others and accepts and appreciates them for who they are. Sorry, I'm on my soapbox. But as a mom to older kids, I see too many who are lost in the material world and miss the true beauty around them. I am so proud every day that my kids see the differences and know that that there are no mistakes. Let me say that a world ruled by Catherine will be a very cool one to live in! I hope I'm still around to see it. Morgen

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  26. Your family is gorgeous! I only wish we were lucky enough to know you al in real life.

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  27. You are an amazing family. I LOVE reading your blog. You give me courage and hope even if Catherine does scare me a little.

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  28. Great post! I love your blog & your children are truly remarkable

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  29. I totally wish we lived nearby! I have 2 girls who would just love your girls. You may use our family quote if you'd like. I tell people to remember Olivia's name because they are going to want to vote for her one day! She will be the president of the country or at least a large corporation! I just pray I live to see it!! Catherine is on her way and I would not rule out Victoria! She is a pretty determined smart little thing!! I hate to be the one to say that Francesca will probably be a socal worker! HEE !! Start telling her now she will need to marry a doctor in order to live in the style she will most likely need in order to please her girly style! Sheri

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  30. Your girls are beautiful. "Nastya" was the first RR baby I fell in love with! So glad she has a family to love her and help her grow!

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  31. this was a beautiful post, i read the whole thing aloud to hubby!

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  32. We live in holly springs ( south of canton) if you are ever up this way my children would love to make new friends with your children! Email me at kacll@aol.com cause new friends are also fun!!!

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  33. my husband posted on facebook this morning "you can't fix stupid". and i think that could be the title to your post. i think your family is beautiful!! if i saw you out and about i would smile and tell you how cute they all are!!!

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  34. Can I add one? Dear Lady at the Library - I am used to the fact that my son's appearance can attract some stares - I mean, a wheelchair, an arm in a sling, a leg brace, and a full-torso brace make for some serious hardware - boys love hardware - and I don't mind that your four-year-old was curious - but instead of shushing him and scooting him away, please encourage him to say hello to my son, explain to him that my son's wheels are to help him get around - your shushing and embarassment created a gulf between us and showed your son and mine that these differences are not to be discussed and certainly not to be celebrated. I am okay with who my son is - you can be, too!

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  35. So what to do? I grew up with a bf with ds but I was too young to remember how the concept was introducted to me. The other day I was doing some rare shopping and their was a long line, the little boy behind me had developmental, as well as facial differences his mom&aunt were over the books he wanted to look at he walked to me pulling at my skirt holding the book I talked to him as i would any child, any human (seriously people I might want to smack the guy in line who hits on me or the noisy stranger - I'm working on it, but innocentd is easy for me to engage) As a child i was taught to smile and engage children and babes (around their parents of course) teach them the world is an ok place as my mom used to say but his family was a little embarrassed, said I could ignore him (nicely, which felt off as I never would do this to anyone but I also felt the need to respect there wishes and parental styles) I felt bad but he was over the standing in line bs as the rest of us his other behavoriors might have been different then "normal development" and though I didn't know his age,I follow my children interest (ok we say NO
    to all fast food, media etc but you get
    it any books, natural toys are free game on my house) I didn't wish to offend anyone but I would like to know as a mother of extra special children how would you like the world to interact with them, what's the best way to help our children interact appropriately? Thanks for your wisdom

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