Sinking In......

I am almost starting to believe that in four weeks we are really leaving. Almost. Having adopted before, I am scared to get too excited. There is a lot of talk about the country closing for a while, so that is always on my mind. What if we don't get accepted by the courts? What if something happens to one of the girls before we get there? I guess I am just afraid to get my heart broken. And, what if the plane crashes!

Anastasia is already starting to worry about me leaving. I have never left them even for a weekend before! Why couldn't I have chosen an easier country? I can't really talk about my fears, because people say, "Well, you chose to do this!". They are right. Why not just take the easier or at least, slightly easier path? I just couldn't leave Nastya and Moira behind.

I met someone on-line whose family is from the city we are going to. He told me the kids in the orphanages there NEVER, EVER get adopted. The people view special needs kids as "a burden to someone else", not their problem! Orphans get put out on the street by the time they are 16, with no homes and no food. Statistically, only 27% of orphans will find work. 10% will commit suicide by their 18th birthday. 20% will commit suicide by their 23rd birthday. 75% of the girls turn to prostitution and 60% of the boys turn to a life of crime. Only 20% will be adopted after the age of 5.

So, I guess I have to remember, it really isn't about me or my fears.

It's about them. I can't help but wonder, what if this child had been born in another country, or adopted. He could have had a life.

This little guys hands just break my heart. Why are his hands are so red and swollen? Because he has nothing else to do, so for stimulation, he sucks and sucks on them.

So, if worrying is my biggest problem, then I've got it pretty good!

Time for me to toughen up.